RULES FOR TEACHERS (circa 1800's)

1. Teachers each day will fill lamps and clean chimneys. ( I know where they can shove their lamps) 2. Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day's session. ( How's about a 5th of bourbon and we won't need the fire!) 3. Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual taste of the pupils. ( I'll whittle alright...nubs) 4. Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week, if they go to church regularly. ( How come men can court, but women can't even marry? ) 5. After ten hours in school, the teachers may spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other good books. ( Does Playboy count? I mean, we ALL know how educational the articles are <> ) 6. Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly conduct will be dismissed. ( I guess pre marital sex is out of the question, wait, I can't get married, so sex is out,period!) 7. Every teacher should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society. ( Am thinking I'm already a burden...hehe) 8. Any teacher who smokes, uses liquor in any form, frequents pool or public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity and honesty. ( Well, so much for my fun weekend coming up!!! Sorry I can't make it now...you all might ruin my wholesome image lolol) 9. The teacher who performs his labor faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves. ( Whoaaaa , the IRS will be down my back!)